365 Days...

Saturday was Cooper's 1 year "cancerversary"

This is my 6th attempt at writing this blog.

This milestone feels important. I want to do it justice and like much of the rest of this journey there are so many layers to what I would want to say, so many things I want to remember and what I want Cooper to know one day.

I've written a letter to the Brittany who just found out her baby boy has cancer.

I've written in detail about the events that unfolded Friday, December 13th, 2024.

I've written a list of all the accomplishments that Cooper had this past year.

I've written out a raw brain dump of how I feel.

I've written a letter to future Cooper.

I've written and rewritten and none of them alone feel like enough but they all feel important.

A year ago, I was unsure if we would make it here. So many unknowns.

Here are a few pics from those first few days...

We had a appt at Childrens a couple weeks ago. That same tree display is set up there. I wasn't expecting the memories to come rushing in quite so quickly. This whole week has been full of feelings of being right back there that first week. I've tried to push them away, ignore them or cover them up. Those memories and feelings though are demanding to be seen and honored. So that's what I've chosen to do.

Here we are... One year later...

I'm pretty certain the future will always feel scary. Cancer has made the present so much sweeter, so much richer, so much more important. The "little" moments have become the most important moments. Priorities have definitely shifted.

I read this verse a few days ago and it keeps swirling its way through my mind.

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" Luke 12:25

That doesn't mean my mama heart can just turn off the worry for my not so "little" boy. It is a good reminder though to know that Cooper's story is already written. God knows every detail and every breath he will take. He has a purpose and a plan for that boy and I can rest in those truths.

So we celebrated... ONE YEAR!

We let Coop choose all the details of his day. Somewhat of a "yes" day! We went out to eat and got steak for lunch. He moaned with delight the whole meal. Then we went to get air for the afternoon. We haven't been there for more than a year. I was cringing thinking about all the germs that have to be in there still but watching my boy bounce around with a big smile on his face made it all worth it. He looked carefree, strong and really just like a 10 year old boy should be. Then of course he wanted ice cream after and we headed home.

Celebrating this boy. Thanking Jesus for all he's led us through this year.

It's been a hard week emotionally. I haven't slept well. I understand why, grief is a complex thing. Even all the Christmas sweaters I bought aren't bringing me the "blissful happy joy" I was hoping for.

Maybe that's okay though.

The weight of life can coexist with being grateful and joyful.

I might not feel the "happy joy" but my heart is so full of gratitude and the joy of each day I get the opportunity to love on my babies.

Praying many blessings over each and every one of you. We can never repay you for how you have loved, supported and prayed for us. My prayer is that your generosity comes back 10 fold to each and every one of you. Thank you for being the body of Christ to us in our darkest moments and coming alongside us to bear the weight of life. And still being here one year later!

♥️🎄Merry Christmas! 🎄♥️

Thank you Corrie Kraft for these photos that we will treasure forever!! 🧡

🧡 Prayer Requests 🧡

-Coop's ANC numbers have been very low again. They withheld chemo for another week to give his body a chance to recover. They have since restarted him back on his chemo at half dosage. Prayers around the doctors being able to find the correct dosage to keep his numbers in the safe range.

-He's been fighting off his first cold in a year. We had to get him a strep test, covid test and flu test which all came back negative. So prayers around his body being able to fight it off when he pretty much has no immune system.

-That there will never be another cancer cell that enters his body!

🧡 Much Love

Cooper's Mama