Coop's Update

I can't lie, I kinda love that my updates aren't as frequent as they use to be 🥰

Life has been quite sweet lately and I've been soaking it in! We've gotten to watch Bria and Cooper play a TON of basketball. I'll take that over being at Children's hospital 3x a week any day!

Coop's basketball team won the championship for his competitive league this past weekend!

Cancer has completely shifted my perspective on most things in life. Sometimes I wonder why we spend SO much time and energy focused on sports. We dedicate nights and weekends to them. We spend way too much money on gear and travel teams. It can cause stress and anxiety worrying about your place on the team, sometimes never quite feeling "enough". I admit, those thoughts do creep into my mind sometimes in our very sports heavy competitive family.

And then there are moments like this...

This basketball season was Cooper's 1st sport back since being diagnosed. He actually found out he had leukemia in the middle of this basketball season last year. When we first found out the news his whole team showed up to the next game with his number either on their jersey or on their shoes (whew, that got me). He sat with his teammates through one last game before going into the hospital and starting treatment. That was the end of his season last year.

Walking onto the court this year felt like a pretty big deal. Although he had regained a lot of strength he still wasn't 100%. Lateral movements were really tough, he had a hard time running up and down the court at the speed of his friends and his long limbs were having to relearn how to do all the basics.

Many nights after practice I'd have to help that sweaty boy into the house because his feet were so sore that it hurt to walk. Even with the pain, he would have such a surge of competitive energy that I hadn't seen in almost a year. The smile he had while sweat was dripping down his face made it clear how proud he was even just being out there and finishing a whole practice. Oh how sweet those endorphins are!

He worked so hard all season. We started him on PT to help strengthen the muscles in his legs and help the neuropathy in his feet that the chemo caused. As the season went on he was able to do more and more and the pain afterwards became less frequent.

Sure, winning a championship is pretty great. I mean that always feels good! However, the real win for me was getting to witness his teammates run over to give him a high five or say an encouraging word just when he needed it. To witness his coaches being able to correct, get on him to push him to his potential AND then celebrate the wins even harder. It was seeing him stay in just a bit longer each game as his lungs got stronger. Watching him regain some confidence to take a shot in the game. To hear his coaches and teammates yell, "COOOOOOOOOPPPPPP" at practice when he was nailing his shots. Catching that knowing smile or see a little tear in his coaches eye as they watched him in these different moments, knowing how impactful they were.

THAT was the real championship for me.

THOSE moments are the ones I will remember and cherish.

He was surrounded by the best coaches and his whole crew of friends. The mental and physical healing he experienced through this season was tangible.

And with that, I absolutely will happily spend my evening watching his practice or my weekends sitting on those hard bleachers cheering him on!!

I am trying to learn how to not be on high alert 100% of the time. My nervous system often feels stuck in hyper awareness. There might not be a lion chasing me but I'm still looking for it.

I got sick a few weeks ago. It felt like a minor cold. I waited a few days to go into the doctor because most times I feel like I am just being dramatic. Friday came and we decided I should go in just to be "safe".

Turns out I had Flu B. 😔 I'll be honest, I panicked that night. I was considering going to a hotel. However, at that point my contagious period was already almost over and the damage most likely would've already been done. Our doctors jumped on it and were very proactive. My sister called me, knowing what getting a positive flu test would mean for me and the guilt that would follow. I completely broke down.

I have tried SO dang hard to keep our house healthy, to keep Cooper healthy and I am the one who brought the flu into our house? (enter in the ironic song)

I know, I know. It's not my fault and I couldn't have prevented it (I think sarcastically). Maybe that was the truth but that sure wasn't what I was feeling in that moment.

Instantly, my brain spiraled down into the what if's.

What if I am the reason he gets hospitalized?

Even worse, what if I am the reason that he gets really sick from the flu and doesn't have enough immune system to fight it off?

It got much darker but I won't go there.

As I type this out, looking back, it seems kinda silly and much heavier than it should've been (now that I know he's ok and no one else got it).

And that's the reality of childhood cancer.

"Small" things, both good and bad are now magnified.

🧡 Prayer Requests 🧡

-Praise! Coop's blood counts were the best they've ever been at his last appt!! With that, they increased his daily chemo amount because they think he can handle it.

-Please pray the increase in chemo doesn't knock his numbers down too much. We leave for his make-a-wish trip in about a week and I so desperately hope that he doesn't get sick, has energy to enjoy the parks and that we can "forget" about cancer for a hot minute.

Thank you!!

🧡 Cooper's Mama